A Lesson in Humility...

Never did I think I would expose myself in a semi-public forum with some of the very personal "delights" that pregnancy brings along with it, however, for those of my friends who are on the fence about whether or not they are ready to have children---I feel like these are things they need to know.  I certainly did not--and was not prepared for the last couple of weeks of "surprises."


Most of this began during the Red Baron Summer Extravaganza Auction Weekend---also known for 36 hours in 3 days, on my feet on a concrete floor, talking, smiling, being helpful, appeasing very wealthy people, and well, in this case, coming down with bronchitis after one of my colleagues had been sick.  


This is what I learned---when I sneeze, I pee myself a little bit.  When I cough, I pee.  When I laugh, I pee.  When I throw up (which is still happening daily, despite the nausea subsiding)-I pee. When I bend the wrong way--I pee.  Seriously, I should be in a Depends.  It's ridiculous.  One of the twins has got to be, literally, on my bladder (and this is at only 15 weeks).  So needless to say, bronchitis (as the doc-in-the-box diagnosed it), or a chest cold or whatever it was---made the last week of non-stop coughing, sneezing, nose blowing, and vomiting a real treat, and even while being sympathetic I think Ken was thoroughly disgusted.  


As if I needed another lesson is humility or hit to my self-esteem this week, that part of my body that I always wished was bigger, and was secretly jealous of other girls who were more "blessed" in that department has given me a whole other set of insecurities.  Yes--my boobs.  They have gone from less than a 34A to a 34D (and again, I'm only at 15 weeks), they are lopsided (one has to be a full cup size bigger than the other), and they are leaking some sort of fluid called colostrum.  Literally, I mean leaking.  Then there is, as Ken calls it, "the growing targets."  Not to mention, they feel like someone is ripping the flesh from my chest.  While that is more graphic than most anyone wants to hear about---I won't go into more details, but let me just say, I will never again in my life wish for anything in that area other than just having mine back.  Just the way they were, small, even, and un-offensive.


On the less traumatic side of an ever evolving body---my feet just barely fit in my size 6's.  I have to resort to flip-flops after abut 2:00pm, as my toes begin to transform into little stuffed sausages, and my ankles blend into my calves.  Then there is my skin---while I have always struggled with acne, it's at least been manageable and could be covered with makeup.  Without makeup, right now---I look like someone took a firecracker to my face.   With-it--ahhh....minor improvement.  


After the fact you always hear of how women "enjoyed" being pregnant.  You hear about the weight gain.  You hear about the morning sickness--granted, never the full horrific-ness of it.  You hear about the hours upon hours in labor, and some of the complications later on in.  You mentally prepare yourself for those things---but then you get the "but it was all worth it!" boost to help you reinforce your confidence.  


You hear about the trials of motherhood itself and the lessons you learn.  


Never--never, have I heard the stories of how outright mortifying pregnancy itself can be and the changes your body goes through that you have absolutely no control over.  I am humbled every time I step out of the shower now.  Every time I get dressed, every time I put on my make-up, every time I have to make an emergency exit to the bathroom (or change clothes).  


I had no idea that pregnancy would be such an ongoing lesson in humility and a complete upheaval of any sort of vanity or pride.  I'm accepting it, rolling with it and I am sure I will be able to look back and say "it was all worth it."  


But in the mean time---before I put on my rose colored glasses and forget to mention all of the "side-effects," I need to warn friends, cousins, my sister, and anyone else who is contemplating even the thought of getting pregnant, to make sure you know what you are asking for.  


Forget sex-ed talks on "birth control" and "safe-sex" and "abstaining" in the schools---if they showed teenage girls the realities of pregnancy alone and what it would do to their body---it would scare them into a long enduring virginity.