To Whom It May Concern:

To Whom It May Concern:

Dear Pregnant Women of the World who say you love being pregnant,

I hate you.

Sincerely,

B

Seriously, I don’t know how anyone can say at the end of a full term pregnancy that they enjoyed it.  I get the whole surreal feeling that you are actually growing a living person (or people) inside you.  I’ll give you that…that’s pretty cool.  I mean, growing people is definitely something that makes you feel pretty special—especially when your husband would give anything to have that same connection.  Other than that, it’s just not. 

I actually had one of my work colleagues say this week, “Man…you are getting bigger and bigger everyday—how much have you gained now?”  When I responded about 8lbs…he says “Geeze—it looks like a lot more than that!”  Sweet…  That makes you feel good. 

A few weeks ago I read and saw a clip about a woman who went full term, went into labor and delivered a healthy baby boy without ever even knowing she was pregnant.  I call...bull shit.  There are just some things you can't ignore or miss--i.e. the stretching skin across your abdomen, growing boobs suddenly, missing your period for almost 10 months, not sleeping, eating all the time...gas...and lot of other grotesqueness.  I mean, come on, if you really didn't pick up on any of this for almost a year, the thought of you having a child is absolutely terrifying.  Someone, please call child services now.

The past couple of weeks have brought the point where it is now forbidden to sleep on your back, impossible to sleep on your stomach, and highly advised to sleep on your left side.  Really?  Your left side?  Does it have to be that specific?  Coming from someone who sleeps very little anyway, and prays to God for a just a couple of hours of sleep on regular basis---it’s safe to say that a full night’s sleep on my left side, while fire is still raging in my chest from the endless heart burn, is not going to happen.  They might as well say sleep propping yourself up with your thumb and your big toe while keeping your entire body and head lifted from the bed.  So, we’ve tried experimenting with the various preggers pillows.  The first one looked something like a snake and was supposed to curl from around the back of my neck to under my stomach and between my legs…please explain.  I don’t understand.  I don’t understand how this is supposed to be comfortable or even what I am really supposed to do with it.  Pillow attempt number two looks something like a kidney bean.  Harvey’s a fan.  He definitely likes it.  However, yet again---I’m not sure what to do with it.

Another lesson learned this month involved long car rides and unborn children—they don’t like them, especially the mountains in West Virginia and the tiny, curvy, bumpy roads in Pittsburgh.    13 hours in the car each way was just entirely too much.  It took a couple of days to recover from that one.  However, shear determination on my mom’s part got us there and back in three days time, and home in time to have Labor Day to recover.  She hunched over the steering wheel, squinted her eyes and went for it!  And the babies flailed the arms and legs like a roller coaster ride the whole way there and back.

The next weekend was Savannah, for Meagan’s bachelorette party.  That was only five hours each way and had a little more time in between the drives—what we learned from that trip…I’m apparently having “intellectual twins” and they like club music at 2am.

We are finally back in the house!  Thank you, Josh, for letting us, our big oaf, and the little terror stay with you for almost a month!  Much appreciated, and we miss you and the girls (possibly Dolly a little more than Patty though)—and the big oaf says she is sorry for the hole in your hard wood floors, it will be fixed very soon.

With guys working around me, literally, as I type this, the house is within days of being completely put back together.  The kitchen is finished, the doors are all set, the trim work is finished, the hardwoods are all ready—the iron stair railing goes in tomorrow and the painters will touchup next week.  Operation—make the house ready for babies—check.