What's Normal?

I am beginning to write this one on Valentine’s Day---we’ll see how long it takes me to actually get it finished and posted…

Tonight, I’m sitting here trying to drink a glass of wine while the babies are sleeping (finally).  They had their two month check-up today where they got 3 shots each and some sort of drops squirted down their throat.  Not pleasant.  Not even slightly.    Olivia was initially really upset about it, but got over it and just went to sleep—Oliver…what can I say?  He is his father’s child.  He cried initially, went to sleep, ate, then screamed to the top of his lungs for an hour, then went back to sleep and continued to whimper in his sleep for the rest of the night—hands down, the saddest thing I have ever heard.  Heartbreaking.  Ken is in Charlotte for work, and my mom is in my guest bedroom with a 102º fever.  So, tonight it’s just me and the O’s.

So much has happened, has changed in the last two month—even more so, the last year—but with two months into having our little ones home, so much more has come in to perspective. 

I found out a few days ago that a friend of mine is also having twins—1.  I am so thrilled for her and her husband—twins are such an incredible blessing, trying, but rewarding.  What was absolutely terrifying almost a year ago (and still is most of the time), I now couldn’t imagine being any other way.  2.  After finding out, I sat trying to think of the answers I could give her on “twins” and the differences between them and ‘singletons.’  What it made me realize, was how many ways my own life has so drastically changed and what I have learned.

•  I can’t go to the grocery store without unless someone is home to watch the babies—you can’t take two infants in the grocery store, and still fit groceries in the cart.  It just isn’t possible.  You also can’t push a double stroller and grocery cart at the same time.  You can, however, clip a mountain climbing cantilever clip to the stroller, fasten a basket to it and do some minor emergency shopping if necessary. 

•  I don’t go to Starbucks.   Suddenly, that $5 cup of coffee just isn’t worth the effort to get out a stroller and two infant seats, just to pop in and grab a cup to go—and I don’t think those intellectuals sitting in the corner would have quite the same appreciation for the cooing and grunting coming from under the sun shades that I do, while sipping on their $5 cups of coffee and busying themselves on their Macs.

•  My day is planned in 2 hour intervals.  Their feedings are every 3 hours and take a full hour to complete.  So, I have two hours between each feeding to get done what is needed.  Two hours goes by fast.

•  I don’t shower unless someone is here to keep an eye on the babies—being that with two, they are never both happy at the same time, and rarely are they happy long enough to shower and get dressed.

                                •  I do A LOT more laundry.  Correction…Ken does a lot more laundry.

•  The décor in my house now is interrupted with multiple bouncey seats, swings, mats, bumbos, and toys.

•  “I’m sorry—now is really not a good time, my twins are screaming.”  Is ALWAYS a good excuse for pretty much anything.

•  On my original thought months ago to grow my hair out so I could “just pull it back…”  I was way wrong—long hair looks just as dirty as short after two days without time to shower.

•  Phones can ring without being answered…and ring and ring and ring…

•  Twins require at least 112 bottles in total per week—and at least 112 diapers—usually more.

•  When managing 112 bottles in a week—they are easiest when made in advance, warmed about 10 minutes before feeding time and washed in the dishwasher—not by hand.

            This one should be updated---I have since learned that bottles are easiest when made with warm water straight from the faucet and immediately stuck in the crying child’s mouth – bottle warmers are for people with time on their hands.

•  Baby vomit is projectile.  It will shoot out of baby beds and onto the floor, without even so much as touching the inside of the bed.  It also stinks, as do baby formula burps and baby farts. 

            Update—Baby poop is projectile as well.

•  I am now ambidextrous.  I can also do things with my toes—like grab burp clothes that are just out of reach while holding a baby in one arm, and a bottle for the other in its mouth while its sitting in a Boppy.

•  Two Boppies are necessary for double feedings—yes they are possible and a tremendous time saver.

•   Manicures are a not necessary—actually, they are a waste of money, when you end up with poop and butt paste under your nails.

•  There is a certain criteria for restaurants when you have two babies…or one…fast service, spacious booths with room for carriers, not crowded, not loud, have hot water to warm bottles, and have tables far enough away from one another that you are affecting other patrons.

•  My SUV suddenly feels like a compact car once all things baby are loaded up.           

                                •  When it’s raining, you don’t leave the house.  When it’s cold—you

don’t leave the house.  When the babies are crying, you don’t leave the house.  When you don’t have help, you don’t leave the house.  When you are on the brink of a nervous break down and about to scream curse words at the golfers behind your house---you put the babies in the freaking car—help or none, and leave the house.

•  The gym—which is 20 minutes away—is not an option.   40 minutes of driving time during a 2 hour gap is entirely too much of a waste of time.

•  However, gym clothes are acceptable attire for getting puked on—

everyday.

•  Help—is necessary.  Not because you aren’t capable of doing it alone, but because it’s not healthy, and you won’t be sane come the end of the day.

I could give soooo many instances of how life has changed.  I could tell you how my boobs look like nice and fluffy when full, and like flat saggy U’s after nursing.  I could tell you about how when they both start screaming and crying at the same time, my first reaction is to burry my head in my hands and cry and rock myself instead of them.  Cars can’t drive fast enough when babies are screaming in the back seat—or slow enough when they are sleeping.  I could tell you I have spent every day some where in between an emotional break down, a psychotic break, and being absolutely smitten and in love.

It’s a balancing act.  It’s a constant, ongoing balancing act.  Thankfully, I’ve always been very good at multi-tasking.  I wouldn’t give it up or change it for anything, but I would be lying if I said it was easy or fun all the time. I feel like a lot of people have the misperception that babies are “fun,” and babysitting is fun, and that it’s just feeding and changing a diaper or two and it’s easy.  It’s not.  There’s not 1—there’s 2, and I don’t know anyone who can honestly say they’ve been there-they can handle it.  For this reason, I don’t trust anyone else to do it.  No one can possibly understand how difficult it is until they see it at its most trying moments first hand—but in those moments, I wouldn’t want anyone else to be responsible for handling that.  With that, it will be a very, very long time before I leave them with anyone unless absolutely necessary.  I am seriously struggling with this weekend because I am in a dear friends wedding and will have to leave them briefly two nights in a row.  It’s going to be nerve racking, gut wrenching.  A couple of weekends ago I left them with Ken for about 4 hours and cried when I got to the mall with my mom because it felt like something was missing.   Having had to go back to work almost as soon as we got to bring them home, and having not carried them for 9 months---Ken doesn’t quite ‘get it.’  While there are some people who I simply don’t think can handle watching them, my not leaving them is nothing personal against anyone else---I am just simply not going to do it because it’s not comfortable.  The sheer thought of it makes me sick.

Okay---it’s March 29, and I am just now getting back to this, so much has happened in the past month—I will just post this one as is, and start fresh. 

Oh…how time flies when you’re having fun.

~B